Musical Selection of the day-Queens of the Stone Age-Misfit Love(live)

Probably one of the best performance bands in the world, probably one for the best modern bands period.

Let's Play-DFO

Dungeon Fighter Online is a throwback to those old arcade sidescroller games that used to drain all the shiny coins from your pockets and make you go into RAGEMODE everytime you lost, causing everyone in the arcade to look at you funny as you hulked out on the cabinet, demanding your money back. Of course, machines cannot sympathize with your plight. They can only do their intended work and enslave the human race. But enough with the tangents, let's talk about the game. As previously mentioned, DFO is essentially a sprite based 2d sidescroller, which isn't very special until you incorporate the dungeon crawler elements and the extreme flashiness. Seriously, in a team dungeon run there are so many neon bright lights and numbers flashing up on the screen its like taking a walk through Las Vegas, or an upscale strip club. It induces hysteria in twelve year old shonen fans and nausea in old boring fucks. Everyone else will just have a good time. The game is fast paced, and often time you escape dungeons just by the skin of your teeth. It's all about timing, knowing the attacks your enemies use, and exploiting the strengths of your class to the fullest. There is no mercy for pussies here, those whose senses have been dulled by tapping left click repeatedly while their brains turn into pig food. If you aren't on top of your game, you will die, and often. But once you get on top of your game, you will have a ball. Watching your character unleash pure hell and fury on your enemies is bliss, and beating that dungeon that pwn'd your face will make you feel like a king, or as much a king as an mmo can make you. The game is divided into five classes, Slayers, swordsmen who make weaboos lose their shit, Gunners, long ranged powerhouses and my personal favorite, Fighters, hand to hand technicians, Priests, giant hulk men who swing massive crosses around like twigs, and Mages, jailbait practitioners of the occult. A more detailed and practical description of each class can be found here. From the outset, you run dungeons and reduce monsters to little grey blobs, which I guess is more appropriate then dismemberment, but its still pretty damn silly. As you fight and murder, you gain exp, which will level you. You slaughter your way into the heart of the dungeon, the boss room, containing the boss monster, who of course is hax and will smash your face if you're not careful. At the end, you get a nice exp bonus for beating the dungeon, your style(gained through combos and aerial attacks) and technic(gained through back attacks, counters, and overkills) points are totaled, the amount of hits you've taken are subtracted from said score, and an overall grade is given(f,d,c,b,a,s,ss,sss), which effects your exp bonus. You also get to pick a reward card, though word to the wise, the bottom row, which must be paid for, will usually net you nothing. The game is a bit grindy, especially once you get up into the 'teens and beyond, but the quests mitigate your exp needs. Where the game potentially gets annoying is the fatigue system. You get 156 points everyday, which translates into 156 dungeon rooms. While this system can potentially keep you from sitting infront of the computer all day and force you to find additional sources of entertainment, it can also be an annoying hindrance, especially when you need to drop potions(you can't buy potions in game unless you have PvP points, and in order to get potions from npcs you need to trade resources dropped from monsters, which can waste fatigue) One could argue that the fatigue system negates the need for a grind, but it doesn't seem the grind will be reduced at this very moment. In any case, the game is still bucket loads of fun. Play it for nostalgia, play it because you have nothing else to do other then be an annoying cunt, but whatever you do, GET IN THE GAME BRO. Linkage

MSotD- Vera Lynn- We'll Meet Again

The song itself is pretty good I guess, but the reason why I love it is because I mentally associate it with Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. As you can see from the clip, it is the best way to end a movie ever.

Old songs synced to footage of nuclear explosions is great. I harbor a strange love for the combination and you should too.

MSotD- Georgia Gibbs- Kiss of Fire

Uh... would... would you like some burn cream, Georgia Gibbs?

The only sport that might be better than boxing

As you may have figured, our favorite sport here is boxing. However, today I have found something that may be better than boxing:

CHESS BOXING.

Yes, O my brothers. Chess boxing combines the nerdiness and quiet thinking of chess with the awesomeness and fisticuffs of boxing to create a sport that was never meant to be.



Here we have Sebastien "Sergeant" Aubriot versus David "Kampfmaschine" Steppler, who may or may not be related to Von Kaiser somehow.

TL;DW version: French guy defeats German guy. Improbable, yes, I know, but this is chess boxing. It goes beyond the boundaries of sanity and national stereotypes.

So yeah. This is clearly a big step towards Playing Tennis With Dynamite While Riding Bears and that is good. You might think pure boxing is better, Delgado. Then again you're the sort of guy who watches dudes in shorts punch each other, and then you complain because they don't have enough... finesse. Surely including the strategy, deep thought, and snobbishness of chess is way more than enough finesse for you.

Meanwhile, Germany attempts to create a sport that will merge boxing, chess, and alcohol. Oh shit.

MSotD- Dropkick Murphys - Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya

Johnny did not come marching home again because he lost all his limbs in the war.

I promise the next musical selection will have nothing to do with war at all.

France is a nice place.

What's good about France? No seriously, I'm asking. You don't know either. Well that's no good. Wait, I have a fantastic idea! Let's write a travel brochure about France using our largely cursory knowledge of the country!

1. The French are pussies.

I'm not sure when the French went from being frenzied gods of warfare to cowering toddlers hiding under their quilt from the monsters in the closet, but sometime after Napoleon got his ass bitchslapped at Waterloo, the French became unhardcore. Does anyone remember the French Revolution? You think talking back to the teachers in school is hardcore? Try beheading the principal, then go around parading his head in the hallways screaming in french. That's hardcore. Now the French go around prancing in frilly shirts and ladies perfume. Disgrace.

Now, you might be wondering how that's a good thing. Well, when you go over there, swinging around your American swagger, chatting up the womenfolk and breaking the law, you won't have to worry about the police assailing you. They'll prolly bribe you to behave. Ahahhaha, I predict a platoon of French legionnaires will be at my door in three hours to break all the bones in my body.

2.The French never get anything done, and when it does get done, it's not right.

Kudos to a certain french company who give all of us who play Dofus a heart attack with their awe inspiring ability to not get it right. For every good decision made, five more wrong decisions break the game. You may ask how this has anything to do with French society at large. Playing Dofus will foster within you an acute hatred for anything French. When something horrible happens, you blame the French. Landlord evicted you because you're too lazy to get a job, goddamn French. An army of French haters is rising in the heartland. Prepare for apocalypse.

3.Pretentious people like to say they've been to France because it makes them more pretentious.

What is it about France that pretentious cunts love so much? Is it the odd smelling cheese? The wine? That big metal thingy that they always show when France is discussed on tv? Why does France attract so many douches? What is the allure? Maybe its because France is the only place pretentious fucks can go and not have to worry about getting smashed in the face for being pricks. The world will never know.

...Ok, seriously, forget all of that. France is probably one of the nicest places in the world to go to. You know those European countries are always nice. Plus, Remi Gallard lives there, so its gotta be a nice place.

Please call off the assassination, please.

Music selection of the day

Drake-November 18th. Obsessive braggadocio for the wiiin.

Vagabond.

Vagabond is no joke. It's the highest echelon of manga, or storytelling in general. As far as I'm concerned, there's no equal to it in the medium of manga. It's a special thing. EMBRACE IT.

Vagabond is a fictional account of the life of the legendary swordsman Miyamoto Musashi, which is in turn based off of the novel Musashi, which is also a fictional retelling of said legendary swordsman. Musashi's life is told fantastically through some of the best artwork and dialogue I've seen in a manga. Nothing here is wasted. There aren't any stupid cliffhangers. Each battle is a philosophical experience, with Musashi reaching new heights of understanding as he defeats each challenge laid out before him. It's inspirational to read. If you do nothing else in your pitiful life, read Vagabond.

Valuev the giant.

The following piece is satirical. I don't care if you find it offensive, go hug a tree or something.

An ode to the giant man of RUSSIA.

Nikolai Valuev was born on August 21, 1973 in generic poor Russian town. His family was amazed at how massive he was. Even on a meager diet of rationed gruel, stale bread, and growth hormones, he was able to muster great, totally unnatural strength. As a small child, he was able to lift small cars with one had. When he was five, he wrestled a gang of polar bears and made his family fur coats.

You may ask, "but poler bares r not in rusha!!!" I know, stupid, his level of badassness was so great, he made polar bears feel threatened, so threatened they had to round up their best boys(including fan favorites like Pookie and Snowbawls) and headed out to Russia to kick young Valuev's ass, only to find out that growth hormones tend to make people hulk strong.

When Valuev was ten years old, his mother fell desperately ill. To help make money, Valuev began demonstrating feats of strength at bars around the country, beating the crap out of everyone there and then taking the money in the cash register as a tip for his services.

Eventually, people caught word of Valuev, and to counter Valuev, made a decree that all ten year old boys who either stood over six feet tall and/or weighed over 250 pounds would not be admitted into any town or city that had a bar in or around it. Naturally, that left Valuev and a lot of obese Russian kids out in the freezing cold.

But all was not lost for the Russian giant man. One day, while Valuev was practicing tying bows with tree trunks, a boxing promoter by the name of Slimy McBackstabbingcunt approached him, and offered him a contract of 4 million Russian dorra to fight in Murrika. Of curse , there was a fair percentage share of 95/5% for McBackstabbingcunt and Valuev, respectively. Valuev accepted, and off they went, to the wonderful backwards ass world of Murrika.

Valuev found this mystical place mystifing, but he wouldn't allow himself to be distracted by the mammoth breasted prostitutes or the man in the corner offering shit that would make him feel good but ultimately ruin his life and everything he ever strived for. No, he was focused on fighting. On becoming the heavy weight champion of THE WORLD. Of THE WORLD, Craig.

In Valuev's first match, he totally punched this dude's head off. No lie, bro. Look it up on Youtube if you don't believe me. Totally true story, head went right off, right into somebody's lap. Like it was a lego piece or something.

Valuev punched his way through many targets, all with the same relative ease. It wasn't until th very end that he faced a true challenge. He would have to face....IRON MIKE TYSON(Circa 1987)

As every gamer who doesn't enjoy Bratz: The shitty product tie-in game knows, IRON MIKE TYSON is invincible. He can kill you with one punch. He will eat your children/parents, throw you off a cliff, do the macarana, anything possible to win the game. He is merciless. But mighty Valuev ain't no pussy. He was ready for combat.

Ding Ding Ding. The match had begun. Valuev threw a right, a left, another right. No effect on IRON MIKE. Valuev then threw his treademark uppercut. IRON MIKE laughs him and calls him a girl. Then IRON MIKE punches him in the chest and ruptures his spleen. Valuev falls to the ground. It was over....all...OVER.

Valuev spiraled into depression. The people hated him. McBackstabbingcunt shredded his contract. The IRS came and took everything out of his flat, even the floorboards and cockroaches. Valuev had nothing. At the age of 12, he had won everything, and lost it all in one night. What a shaaaame.

So. The moral of this story is, clearly, don't be a fucking giant. Srsly, nothing good ever came to a giant.

THE END

Oh yeah, Valuev's family? They all ended up starving to death because he forgot where he lived. Stupid stupid boy.

Magnum Farce

"Hey do you want me to buy you some DVDs? They are on sale."
"Nein, mother, I will pay with my own monies like a respectable teenager."
"Too bad, I'm going to buy you a DVD anyway. Just to spite you."
"Uh."
"Do you want Magnum Force or not?"
"Lalo Schifrin did the theme music."
"Well?"
"Uh. I heard about it on the Internet. But now that you mention it, I kinda want to watch Ghostbusters 2 more."
"Too bad."
"What, mother."
"What is Magnum Force's rating, anyway?"
"Uh, R. R for... respectable."
"Do people make out in this movie?"
"How should I know, I've never seen it."
"Look, stop saying that you'll buy things with your own money. I am going to pay for this and every other thing you want forever."
"No no no no no mum. That's embarassin. I don't even want to watch Magnum Force anymore. You killed it."
"Young lady, we are going right back to the DVD racks and we are going to select Magnum Force and we are going to watch it."
"Neeein!"