MSotD- Rammstein- Rosenrot

I stopped listening to Oldies That I Associate With Various Nice Things, and started listening to Rammstein. Ah, being a teenager.

Heh, these MSotD updates are a hell of a lot easier to churn out than actual blog posts.

Musical Selection of the day-Queens of the Stone Age-Misfit Love(live)

Probably one of the best performance bands in the world, probably one for the best modern bands period.

Let's Play-DFO

Dungeon Fighter Online is a throwback to those old arcade sidescroller games that used to drain all the shiny coins from your pockets and make you go into RAGEMODE everytime you lost, causing everyone in the arcade to look at you funny as you hulked out on the cabinet, demanding your money back. Of course, machines cannot sympathize with your plight. They can only do their intended work and enslave the human race. But enough with the tangents, let's talk about the game. As previously mentioned, DFO is essentially a sprite based 2d sidescroller, which isn't very special until you incorporate the dungeon crawler elements and the extreme flashiness. Seriously, in a team dungeon run there are so many neon bright lights and numbers flashing up on the screen its like taking a walk through Las Vegas, or an upscale strip club. It induces hysteria in twelve year old shonen fans and nausea in old boring fucks. Everyone else will just have a good time. The game is fast paced, and often time you escape dungeons just by the skin of your teeth. It's all about timing, knowing the attacks your enemies use, and exploiting the strengths of your class to the fullest. There is no mercy for pussies here, those whose senses have been dulled by tapping left click repeatedly while their brains turn into pig food. If you aren't on top of your game, you will die, and often. But once you get on top of your game, you will have a ball. Watching your character unleash pure hell and fury on your enemies is bliss, and beating that dungeon that pwn'd your face will make you feel like a king, or as much a king as an mmo can make you. The game is divided into five classes, Slayers, swordsmen who make weaboos lose their shit, Gunners, long ranged powerhouses and my personal favorite, Fighters, hand to hand technicians, Priests, giant hulk men who swing massive crosses around like twigs, and Mages, jailbait practitioners of the occult. A more detailed and practical description of each class can be found here. From the outset, you run dungeons and reduce monsters to little grey blobs, which I guess is more appropriate then dismemberment, but its still pretty damn silly. As you fight and murder, you gain exp, which will level you. You slaughter your way into the heart of the dungeon, the boss room, containing the boss monster, who of course is hax and will smash your face if you're not careful. At the end, you get a nice exp bonus for beating the dungeon, your style(gained through combos and aerial attacks) and technic(gained through back attacks, counters, and overkills) points are totaled, the amount of hits you've taken are subtracted from said score, and an overall grade is given(f,d,c,b,a,s,ss,sss), which effects your exp bonus. You also get to pick a reward card, though word to the wise, the bottom row, which must be paid for, will usually net you nothing. The game is a bit grindy, especially once you get up into the 'teens and beyond, but the quests mitigate your exp needs. Where the game potentially gets annoying is the fatigue system. You get 156 points everyday, which translates into 156 dungeon rooms. While this system can potentially keep you from sitting infront of the computer all day and force you to find additional sources of entertainment, it can also be an annoying hindrance, especially when you need to drop potions(you can't buy potions in game unless you have PvP points, and in order to get potions from npcs you need to trade resources dropped from monsters, which can waste fatigue) One could argue that the fatigue system negates the need for a grind, but it doesn't seem the grind will be reduced at this very moment. In any case, the game is still bucket loads of fun. Play it for nostalgia, play it because you have nothing else to do other then be an annoying cunt, but whatever you do, GET IN THE GAME BRO. Linkage

MSotD- Vera Lynn- We'll Meet Again

The song itself is pretty good I guess, but the reason why I love it is because I mentally associate it with Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. As you can see from the clip, it is the best way to end a movie ever.

Old songs synced to footage of nuclear explosions is great. I harbor a strange love for the combination and you should too.

MSotD- Georgia Gibbs- Kiss of Fire

Uh... would... would you like some burn cream, Georgia Gibbs?

The only sport that might be better than boxing

As you may have figured, our favorite sport here is boxing. However, today I have found something that may be better than boxing:

CHESS BOXING.

Yes, O my brothers. Chess boxing combines the nerdiness and quiet thinking of chess with the awesomeness and fisticuffs of boxing to create a sport that was never meant to be.



Here we have Sebastien "Sergeant" Aubriot versus David "Kampfmaschine" Steppler, who may or may not be related to Von Kaiser somehow.

TL;DW version: French guy defeats German guy. Improbable, yes, I know, but this is chess boxing. It goes beyond the boundaries of sanity and national stereotypes.

So yeah. This is clearly a big step towards Playing Tennis With Dynamite While Riding Bears and that is good. You might think pure boxing is better, Delgado. Then again you're the sort of guy who watches dudes in shorts punch each other, and then you complain because they don't have enough... finesse. Surely including the strategy, deep thought, and snobbishness of chess is way more than enough finesse for you.

Meanwhile, Germany attempts to create a sport that will merge boxing, chess, and alcohol. Oh shit.

MSotD- Dropkick Murphys - Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya

Johnny did not come marching home again because he lost all his limbs in the war.

I promise the next musical selection will have nothing to do with war at all.

France is a nice place.

What's good about France? No seriously, I'm asking. You don't know either. Well that's no good. Wait, I have a fantastic idea! Let's write a travel brochure about France using our largely cursory knowledge of the country!

1. The French are pussies.

I'm not sure when the French went from being frenzied gods of warfare to cowering toddlers hiding under their quilt from the monsters in the closet, but sometime after Napoleon got his ass bitchslapped at Waterloo, the French became unhardcore. Does anyone remember the French Revolution? You think talking back to the teachers in school is hardcore? Try beheading the principal, then go around parading his head in the hallways screaming in french. That's hardcore. Now the French go around prancing in frilly shirts and ladies perfume. Disgrace.

Now, you might be wondering how that's a good thing. Well, when you go over there, swinging around your American swagger, chatting up the womenfolk and breaking the law, you won't have to worry about the police assailing you. They'll prolly bribe you to behave. Ahahhaha, I predict a platoon of French legionnaires will be at my door in three hours to break all the bones in my body.

2.The French never get anything done, and when it does get done, it's not right.

Kudos to a certain french company who give all of us who play Dofus a heart attack with their awe inspiring ability to not get it right. For every good decision made, five more wrong decisions break the game. You may ask how this has anything to do with French society at large. Playing Dofus will foster within you an acute hatred for anything French. When something horrible happens, you blame the French. Landlord evicted you because you're too lazy to get a job, goddamn French. An army of French haters is rising in the heartland. Prepare for apocalypse.

3.Pretentious people like to say they've been to France because it makes them more pretentious.

What is it about France that pretentious cunts love so much? Is it the odd smelling cheese? The wine? That big metal thingy that they always show when France is discussed on tv? Why does France attract so many douches? What is the allure? Maybe its because France is the only place pretentious fucks can go and not have to worry about getting smashed in the face for being pricks. The world will never know.

...Ok, seriously, forget all of that. France is probably one of the nicest places in the world to go to. You know those European countries are always nice. Plus, Remi Gallard lives there, so its gotta be a nice place.

Please call off the assassination, please.

Music selection of the day

Drake-November 18th. Obsessive braggadocio for the wiiin.

Vagabond.

Vagabond is no joke. It's the highest echelon of manga, or storytelling in general. As far as I'm concerned, there's no equal to it in the medium of manga. It's a special thing. EMBRACE IT.

Vagabond is a fictional account of the life of the legendary swordsman Miyamoto Musashi, which is in turn based off of the novel Musashi, which is also a fictional retelling of said legendary swordsman. Musashi's life is told fantastically through some of the best artwork and dialogue I've seen in a manga. Nothing here is wasted. There aren't any stupid cliffhangers. Each battle is a philosophical experience, with Musashi reaching new heights of understanding as he defeats each challenge laid out before him. It's inspirational to read. If you do nothing else in your pitiful life, read Vagabond.

Valuev the giant.

The following piece is satirical. I don't care if you find it offensive, go hug a tree or something.

An ode to the giant man of RUSSIA.

Nikolai Valuev was born on August 21, 1973 in generic poor Russian town. His family was amazed at how massive he was. Even on a meager diet of rationed gruel, stale bread, and growth hormones, he was able to muster great, totally unnatural strength. As a small child, he was able to lift small cars with one had. When he was five, he wrestled a gang of polar bears and made his family fur coats.

You may ask, "but poler bares r not in rusha!!!" I know, stupid, his level of badassness was so great, he made polar bears feel threatened, so threatened they had to round up their best boys(including fan favorites like Pookie and Snowbawls) and headed out to Russia to kick young Valuev's ass, only to find out that growth hormones tend to make people hulk strong.

When Valuev was ten years old, his mother fell desperately ill. To help make money, Valuev began demonstrating feats of strength at bars around the country, beating the crap out of everyone there and then taking the money in the cash register as a tip for his services.

Eventually, people caught word of Valuev, and to counter Valuev, made a decree that all ten year old boys who either stood over six feet tall and/or weighed over 250 pounds would not be admitted into any town or city that had a bar in or around it. Naturally, that left Valuev and a lot of obese Russian kids out in the freezing cold.

But all was not lost for the Russian giant man. One day, while Valuev was practicing tying bows with tree trunks, a boxing promoter by the name of Slimy McBackstabbingcunt approached him, and offered him a contract of 4 million Russian dorra to fight in Murrika. Of curse , there was a fair percentage share of 95/5% for McBackstabbingcunt and Valuev, respectively. Valuev accepted, and off they went, to the wonderful backwards ass world of Murrika.

Valuev found this mystical place mystifing, but he wouldn't allow himself to be distracted by the mammoth breasted prostitutes or the man in the corner offering shit that would make him feel good but ultimately ruin his life and everything he ever strived for. No, he was focused on fighting. On becoming the heavy weight champion of THE WORLD. Of THE WORLD, Craig.

In Valuev's first match, he totally punched this dude's head off. No lie, bro. Look it up on Youtube if you don't believe me. Totally true story, head went right off, right into somebody's lap. Like it was a lego piece or something.

Valuev punched his way through many targets, all with the same relative ease. It wasn't until th very end that he faced a true challenge. He would have to face....IRON MIKE TYSON(Circa 1987)

As every gamer who doesn't enjoy Bratz: The shitty product tie-in game knows, IRON MIKE TYSON is invincible. He can kill you with one punch. He will eat your children/parents, throw you off a cliff, do the macarana, anything possible to win the game. He is merciless. But mighty Valuev ain't no pussy. He was ready for combat.

Ding Ding Ding. The match had begun. Valuev threw a right, a left, another right. No effect on IRON MIKE. Valuev then threw his treademark uppercut. IRON MIKE laughs him and calls him a girl. Then IRON MIKE punches him in the chest and ruptures his spleen. Valuev falls to the ground. It was over....all...OVER.

Valuev spiraled into depression. The people hated him. McBackstabbingcunt shredded his contract. The IRS came and took everything out of his flat, even the floorboards and cockroaches. Valuev had nothing. At the age of 12, he had won everything, and lost it all in one night. What a shaaaame.

So. The moral of this story is, clearly, don't be a fucking giant. Srsly, nothing good ever came to a giant.

THE END

Oh yeah, Valuev's family? They all ended up starving to death because he forgot where he lived. Stupid stupid boy.

Magnum Farce

"Hey do you want me to buy you some DVDs? They are on sale."
"Nein, mother, I will pay with my own monies like a respectable teenager."
"Too bad, I'm going to buy you a DVD anyway. Just to spite you."
"Uh."
"Do you want Magnum Force or not?"
"Lalo Schifrin did the theme music."
"Well?"
"Uh. I heard about it on the Internet. But now that you mention it, I kinda want to watch Ghostbusters 2 more."
"Too bad."
"What, mother."
"What is Magnum Force's rating, anyway?"
"Uh, R. R for... respectable."
"Do people make out in this movie?"
"How should I know, I've never seen it."
"Look, stop saying that you'll buy things with your own money. I am going to pay for this and every other thing you want forever."
"No no no no no mum. That's embarassin. I don't even want to watch Magnum Force anymore. You killed it."
"Young lady, we are going right back to the DVD racks and we are going to select Magnum Force and we are going to watch it."
"Neeein!"

MSotD- Наутилус Помпилиус: Хлоп - Хлоп

Music selection of the day. Nautilus Pompilius sings a catchy song about being a cog in the war machine. Or something.

Music selection of the day

Something new I'm doing to keep shit moving along.

The Protomen- The Will of one.

Who knew Hitler was hilarious?

inb4hitlerwasanevilman

So, today, I was purusing the youtube, looking for videos to occupy my level grinding time when-oh? What is this? Not that I had never seen the Der Untergang/Downfall internet meme before, but I had no idea there was such a variety in topics. Family Guy over Simpsons? Check. Banned from Xbox Live? Check. Angry because Micheal Jackson had the cheek to die before he could preform at Hitler's birthday concert? Checkcheckcheck. I have many loves for the people who put their hard work and time into proliferating this wonderful meme. Watch it live!

More updates due to hardcoreness.

Oho. You folks are lucky. The demons compel me to post once again, dealing, at this point, with two projects ongoing at the SCS at this very moment: Who Exists, being written by me, and Virtuoso's Ultimatum, being written by Salza.

Who Exists is a...well, I want to say experimental piece, as I'm writing in a different style then usual. It focuses on a legal battle between two different parties, one surrounding Andy, a child star who's grown up and wants to work on more serious things, and the other party surrounding Dan, his manager who wants to keep milking him by forcing him to stay on the projects he hand picks. Basically, each scene focuses on the dialogue at hand, with the narrative very simple and understated, only mentioning slightly the action of the characters inbetween dialogue. I'm writing this with the intention of making it all subtle, with little inference from myself. Hopefully, it compels the reader to think and pick up on the things not being outright explained. An excerpt from the forum:

"Andy was in his mother's kitchen, nursing a glass of milk while she hand mixed cake batter. The silence was heavy.
"So...Andy. You don't think this will end badly, do you?"
He was silent.
"I understand if you don't want to discuss this at the moment, but you can't just push it to the back of your mind."
He thought about it. Swirling the milk with his index finger.
"Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just pack up all my things and run away. Or maybe I should take nothing and just leave. Just walk till I can't walk anymore and drop dead."
She nodded.
"Do you think that will solve your problems?"
"I wouldn't have to worry about people trying to manipulate me or control me. I would be free."
"No, you'd be dead."
"Maybe being dead is better then being controlled."
She sighed. She took the batter and poured it into a cake pan.
"The only thing that's holding you back is your attitude. And you know that."
Andy took a sip of milk. The ice had melted, watering the milk down. It didn't taste right.
"I wish I had never gotten into this. Maybe I could have been normal. Or accepted. Maybe I'd be at some...college somewhere, having fun. I don't even understand what it means to be normal. How....pathetic is that?"
"Baby, you know that's all nonsense. What's gotten into to make you think like this? Maybe you need a girl friend or something."
"But I'm not normal. I'm not even human. I'm a commodity. I'm...just profit...I have no real..footing in reality...I can't...I can't even..."
He began to cry. Streaming tears that embodied his distraught inner psyche. His mother rubbed his back.
"One day, you're gonna get rid of all these demons. And you'll see how beautiful of a person you really are. One day baby...one day..."
They cried together."

Virtuoso's Ultimatum is a piece written by Salza. It essentially follows the paths of Rayn Veritas and Axl Burose and their connections to the Auditor. In all honest, I can't explain the intricacies of the plot and the meaning behind the story, but I can tell you that it is beautifully written. On the old Wakfu Forums, Sal and myself were the most prominent writers, and I guessed that on the inside I always considered us to be rivals of sort. He's defintely surpassed me with this one, though. READ IT.

"There is something about Amakna at eventide’s awakening that really inspires something within you. A feeling of... fear... something foreboding. Everything begins to stand still, and the darkness becomes obscure. The wolf does not prowl at night seeking for the lamb, for the revulsion of death becomes wary even in the predator. There is something mischievous about it that keeps everyone on their tip-toes, and as I tread on this dreaded path, I do not hesitate to imagine the epitome of the Auditor, lurking within this town. There lie a shutter to the right, clasping to the wall of someone’s home; an overhang to the left, with fresh rainwater dripping tenderly into a bucket that some bloke must’ve conveniently left there. With each step, muddy dirt from the track clung to the soles of my boots; an annoyance at best. The whisper of the Shadowkeeper in the ears of the Soothsayer, I seek to silence his twisted tongue. The distortion between the border of light and darkness was being manipulated, and I seek to bring verity to that which the citizens of Amakna saw a bogus actuality.

The mischievous whispers led me to a small Amaknian cottage littered with holes in the walls and roof. A rusted iron gate led me down a path of death and decay as I felt a presence that had traveled this walkway before. I pushed open the decrepit wooden panel of the door, listening to the eerie creak it stirred up as I pushed my way in. Things were far too silent to be of the norm. Step by step, the presence of darkness intensified. An evil unlike any other, lingered in the irrigous atmosphere, almost making it difficult to breathe. As I approached the end of the hallway, the darkness at the end of a tunnel blinded by light, the disparity, the malignance reached a focal point, and I knew behind this door, stood the malevolence which was the Auditor. I pushed the door open, and at the sinister zenith of which had even made me aflutter, to my utmost bewilderment, there was only but a child in the room.

I knew he had been here. I felt it in the aura that was left behind. This mere child had laid eyes on the nefarious Auditor without his life force vacuumed from his small husk. He had something that I knew would aide me one day in the future, so I parted him with a small trinket to show me if he ever found me again; the day in which the tunnel of blinding light has become a field of darkness, and the witching hour becomes the twilight which shrouds us all in darkness. I left him with a special shard, which holds at its center a powerful luminosity unlike any other.

One day, he will help defeat them."

I AM SO HARDCORE

Not really, broseph.

First bot of news involves the promised webcomic of the second to last post not actually coming to fruitation because....well....it just wouldn't work out well. You know how these things get messy, your best friend walks in on you fking his grrlfren a fkton better then he ever would, and so he gets pissed and you're not friends anymore, which makes you feel a bit sad but on second thought, you can now fk his grrlfren without feeling the pang that comes from fking your best friend's grrlfren, because, well, fk that guy, he turned his back on you, so why the hell would you care about how he feels?

Ok....unleaded vitrol back to 145%....curse quota back up to the minimum....regained cynical status...

Oh, yes, just making up for all the lourve I showed for Ronald Jenkees work last post. Gotta keep the image up, and everything. Not that any of you actually cares.

Hmm. I have developed a hankering for some sort of graphic novel/manga project, but something of a much more...serious affair. Perhaps this will develop in the coming moon cycles.

Also, search for the show Peep Show on youtube. Genius shit, some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen. IT INSPIRES YOU TO BE EVEN GREATER THE WHAT YOU ARE.

So, do that. I'd post videos, but I can't be assed to go and get links and embed them and so on and so fking forth.

Go forward. And GROW.

JENKEES

So, every now and then, you come across something that's better then just being good, or even great. It's quite monumental. And you're not totally sure how to react to it, because it's not something you encounter every day. Hell, you may never encounter something like it again. But once you accept that this thing is more monumental then you and everything you will ever accomplish in your life, it begins to take a hold on you, and you become a better person.

This thing, or, rather, this person, is Ronald Jenkees.

Ronald is, essentially, a savant, but that really isn't significant, as his music is incredible. It's essentially synth beats played with such virtuosity you wonder why this man isn't world famous. But more impressive then his playing is the enthusiasm he plays with. It's palpable. There's no denying that this man has passion and love for what he does. Here's to you, Ronald.

Update because fml.

Hurray lack of constructive things to do. Hello blog of doom, here is your update.

Number 1: SCS is making a comic based on SCS.

You may think that is not a big deal, but then again, you are probably not initiated to the ways of SCS, which is, at the bare minimum, insanity multiplied to the highest level, then breaking through the ceiling and climbing even higher. Transcribing this to paper will be nigh impossible, but it will be done in the name of doing something to keep us occupied.

Rather a webcomic then us infiltrating your base and bitchslapping your dudes/mom.

Update 2!!!!!!!!

Uh. fml this video is GREAT.

Why is Kirk climbing a mountain? He's Kirk, why the fuck not.

Update 3: The people at DF forums thingy hate Dakk's blog. I looool irl. Comeuppance is eventual, always.

Update 44444: Studio Cold Star is actually being active and not being lazy bums as usual. The big thing now is the competiton for worst story ever, which is harder and a lot more fun then you'd think. Sign up to the forum if you haven't already and reaaad.

Update 5: Trick question, there is no fifth update

Update 6: Update 5 was not a trick question, so wtf am I talking about.

Update 7: I'm out. Screw you.

Magical blog regeneration

To the non existant audience, a big fat "I'm sowwy" for not looking at this under nourished blog for so long. But after a lengthy admonishing from mom about how the blog is our responsibility and that we shouldn't leave it in a closet for days on end, we have learned our lesson, and will be updating the blog regularly with epic news reports and shit no one cares about but us, because we are the important ones in this relationship.

You, however, are disposible.

Customer knows best my ass.

So why not start off this gay little celebration by talking about something that I personally enjoy.

BAWKSING.

There's a Super Middleweight tournement that'll be starting off in October between the (aparently) best in the division. You've got Carl Froch, Arthur Abraham, Andre Dirrell, Andre Ward, Mikkel Kessler, and Jermaine Taylor all squaring off against each other at least once en route to the declaration of one undisputed super champion.

This is badass. This is monumental. This is what the sport needs. The best squaring off against the best. No bullshit excuses or dodging the real challenges in your division. This is what the people want to see. And for once, we get what we deserve. Not to mention that the guy who wins this thing will undoubtedly go down as one of the best middleweights in history. And that alone is great incentive to participate in such a magnificent event.

As for predictions as to how will win this whole thing....I have no fucking clue. My gut says Arthur Abraham, as he is, to my knowledge, the only guy on this list to get his jaw busted in grotesque fashion and still whoop ass. Plus his nickname is King Arthur. You really can' t fight against that sort of awesomeness and expect to win.

But I don't know enough about all the participants to jump to a conclusion. All I can say is that this will most certainly be an entertaining slew of battles. Gogogo tournament, may we have many more in the future.

And before I shut down the bar for tonight, a plug for former SCS blogger Dakk will be given in 3.

2.

1.

PLUG.

Have a good one fgtz.

Good bye, MJ.

There is a very good reason why everyone everywhere has made a tribute or will be making a tribute to this man. Michael Jackson is one of the most influencetial people of all time, one of the few people who's influence spread far beyond their work. In his prime, he was the sweethart of the world. He was the beating heart of music, injecting into pop music a certain groove, a style, that had never been seen before. Michael was the ultimate showman, an unparralled performer. He lived a tumultous, perilous life, one who's details have been mostly shrouded, but at the same time has been under the constant watch of the public eye. But don't remember him for his scandals. Remember him for his greatness. Here's to you, MJ. There will never be another like him.

Father's Day

TES Ep. 2- How to be a Writer

"Stop writing for other people! You're like... some kind of... writing mercenary!"
-My mother

Thank you, mother dearest. For your information, I don't even do commissions anymore. I was once forced to write some Mary Sue love story for this one chick, and I'm still recovering from the mental trauma.

Ahem.

This brings me to today's episode of The Educational Show. Today, we will be learning about writing.

Writing is a highly dangerous process undertaken by only the most skilled professionals. To become a writer, people must go on a long and difficult quest to find the Seven Sacred Symbolic Stones of Skill, and bring them all to a hidden cave in the Himalayas. Only then will they be granted the mystical ability to put words on paper. (Even so, 90% of all written materials are shit. Including this blog entry.)

MAGICAL JOURNEY WALKTHROUGH

Here are the locations of the seven stones:
Red- Latitude 55.014586; Longitude 159.169922. Just walk right in and get it, but please don't touch anything else.
Orange- Go to Canada. Ask for Abdullahi. Don't worry, everyone in Canada knows each other.
Yellow- Latitude -24.657668; Longitude -69.697266. Bring a shovel.
Green- Stuttgart, Germany. 910, 02, 328. You know what to do.
Blue- 38°53'23"N , 77°00'27"W. Ask for Elijah. The password is 'swordfish'.
Indigo- Madagascar's largest seaport. Third door on the right. Knock 'SOS' before entering.
Violet- Osaka, Japan. Wear a toilet seat around your neck while constantly humming the Jeopardy theme, that's how they'll recognize you.

The cave is at -16.344036; 93.339844. After placing the stones into the corresponding slots in the wall, two doors will be revealed. These doors have two guards, one who always lies and one who always tells the truth. Just take the door on the left.
You should come to a room empty except for a raised square platform, a clockwork robot, and a chessboard. To advance, you have to beat the robot at boxing.
Now, you're almost there. There will be a glowing golden quill on a pedestal. Don't touch it. It's a trap. Instead, look for a chewed-on pencil nub lying on the floor behind the pedestal. This is the true source of writer powers. Take it, it's yours. And be ready to outrun a giant rolling stone ball, some swinging axe blades, and several arrow traps on your way out. Just after you escape, the entire cave should self-destruct. Don't worry, it'll reset for the next guy who wants to be a writer.

Bawksin

How many days has this blog gone without a post on boxing? Too damn long.

I finally watched the Cotto Clottey match the other day, and I've got to say, I underestimated Clottey a whole lot. I expected Cotto to dominate the match, but Clottey kept him at bay with some lazer precision jabbing and great agression.

Cotto, on the other hand, was not as impressive. He won and everything, but he definitely needed to be more accurate. He showed some good ring generalship in a few points in the match, trapped Clottey in the corner for a bit.

Overall, the match was good.

Both guys played hard.

God Bless and good night.

On another note, Cotto is supposed to be fighting Pacquiao in November. Cotto will obviously have the size and power advantage, but Many has the everything else advantage, including speed. I can see it now, Manny slipping a Cotto left hook before landing a left straight that knocks Cotto's head into the crowd.

Yes I am a Pacquiao fan and I support favoritism on this blog.

On another topic, Fight Night Round 4 is coming out very very soon, and I am having a conniption fit waiting for it. 60 frames per second, physics based boxing, a new and improved career mode, MIKE FUCKING TYSON, and some other modes that don't matter because the career mode is so damn awesome. I'll be obsessed with that and make the SCS crew wonder why I've disappeared for the next two weeks after the game comes out. Wooooo bawksin.

I'm done now, continue with the torture.

Hans von Hozel

Hans von Hozel is the greatest writer ever and I wish to have his babies.

Why, you ask? Gentlemen, I present you his works:

LINK

There's something for everyone. Here are some examples.

---

House

One day, House was walk into his House.

"It is good to have House House!" say House, as he walk into House House.

Suddenly, the door on House House opened and Time Paradox flew out!

"YOU CANNOT HAVE HOUSE INSIDE HOUSE!!!!!" scream Time Paradox, as a paradox many times.

"But is House House!" say House.

"IT IS NO MORE FOR HOUSE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!" say Time Paradox, as the House disconnects from the floor and flys into Time Paradox.

And no more House House.
"But my House House!!!" say House, as a not House House.

But Time Paradox would not return House House.

"I cannot return House House without a make Paradox!" say Time Paradox.

House was annoy at this, and jumped into the Time Paradox, to get back House House.

"HOUSE HOUSE!" shout House, but there were no House House inside Time Paradox.

"I have turned House House to bricks..." say Time Paradox, and Time Paradox closed and House was stuck inside Time Paradox forever.

---

The Accidental Virus

Gordon Freeman made a standing inside Science Office.

Many science were littered across the room.

Suddenly, Gordon made discovery of something strange in his Science Readings!

"I THINK YOU SHOULD COME AND MAKE SEE THIS!!!" shout Gordon to the corridor..., but no one replied.

Gordon looked down at the Bacterias on his plate.

Suddenly, the bacteria flew off Plate!

"YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT TOP ON PLATE!" shout Bacteria, "NOW WE INFECT THE WORLD!!!!!!"

The Bacteria began to danube and multiply, and soon the whole room was full Bacteria.

"OH NO!!" screamed Gordon, as he forgot to shut the window curtains and bacteria OUT THE WINDOW!!!!!

The Police had installed a camera into Gordon's Science Lab, and saw this with their film.

Suddenly, the Police jumped into the room.

"You have release VIRUS!" scream Police, and the put a capture on Gordon and send him to jail.

"BUT THE HALF LIFE!!!!" screamed Gordon!, as he made a sending to jail and bacteria disolves the lab.

---

World of Warcraft

In the futures, people were run out of Internet, so they had to make ration of internet!

But on day, all the nerds went to the internet maschine, to make a stealing from the internet so they could make a play World of Warcraft all the time!

The police heard of their crimes with their megaphone.

The nerds went back to their computers and made a playing on warcrafts.

They wore many goggles and made that Star Trek sign with their hands at each other.

Suddenly, the police burst into the rom.

"YOU SHALL NOT MAKE A STEALING FROM THE INTERNET!" yell police, and they make a shooting at the nerds.

"You shall no shoot us!" they make a shouting, and they hide behind the internet.

The police bullets shot the internet!

"BUT THIS WAS THE LAST INTERNETS WE HAD!!!!!!!!!!" scream police, and the internet exploded and no more internets.

Play Armored Core 4 Answer, and I'll give you mine

So, I've been playing Armored Core 4Answer recently. I've also managed to beat the game once, and get to see one of the many endings of the game, aptly titled Ending A. So, why don't I tell you how the game was, eh? You're here anyway, might as well plug one of my favorite games.

Well, where do I start? Armored Core 4Answer is a great game, and it's kept me busier than almost anything else in my XBox 360 games library, excepting Tales of Vesperia, which stopped once I hit the brick wall known as Gauche and Droite. Anyway, I digress. Armored Core is certainly a series that is worth your time, and this game in particular does not fail to deliver.

I must admit, there were tense points in the game for me, points where I beleived I simply could not win. Like the fight with the Armored Core pictured above, White Glint. But I get ahead of myself. First I need to give a little bit of exposition about what exactly Armored Core is, 4Answer in particular.

Armored Core is a series of games revolving around the usage of the titular Armored Cores, giant robots that are used as mercenaries. In each game, you play as one of these mercenaries, piloting your own AC. In Armored Core 4Answer, you play as one of these mercenaries, someone who takes jobs (at first) from the pseudo-government, The League.

That being said, as the game goes on, you are given the opportunity to take missions from people other than the League, and the morality of the game is slowly revealed to be more gray than I'd thought. Nobody is truly good in this game, but damn, you'd be surprised at how many people will kill thousands upon thousands of innocents in the name of freedom. Good thing there are no 15 year old kids with blue hair, or else I'd be very suspicious.

Well, that's all I can post for now. I'll post later when I've played the game more.

My Brute - Throwin' it all down.

What's all the commotion around these parts? What exactly is, MyBrute?

MyBrute is a site devoted to a browser based game where you randomly create a brute and pit it against other brutes in a devastating one-on-one brawl. Your character from appearance (although there is some customization after you've typed out your name) to skills, to attributes, to health, to items, to growth; are completely randomized upon creation. There are some overpowered items (i.e. Flail) and pets (i.e. Bear) that some people have the patience to recreate their characters until they obtain one. The game is very simple, as you cannot control your brute during fights. Just click your opponent's name to fight them. You get to fight in the Arena 3 times a day (6 times upon initial creation), gain 2 experience per victory, and 1 experience for defeat. Pupil system is accounted for that if you challenge a brute they will take you in as a pupil and gain a small bit of XP. Rumor says you can get some nifty traits by having a good master as well. This game is eerily addicting, by the way! Below is a list of a few brutes that our fellow friends and bloggers have made. Got one? Comment with it and I'll edit this blog post with your brute. Help out your friends by pupiling! :D

Sal's Brute - Datoom
Saber's Brute - DarkSaberKnight
Dakk's Brute - UberDakk
Daft's Brute - Orwell1984
Jax' Brute - Concrete Junglist

- S

Underachiever.

I always wondered what it felt like to never actually get to where you always dreamed you'd be. You spent your childhood just imagining your life and how happy you'd be, and then 40 years later you're just some...guy.

Not necessarily a bum. You might have some success, but its not the success you wanted. Nothing you have is what you wanted. You had to settle. What is that like?

Is it a sinking feeling? Is it like a hole that will always be there, unwilling to be filled? Is it a nagging in the back of your head that will never cease.

Not being able to live out your dreams must really, really, suck.

Sonic's dead

Does anybody wanna let me know what's going on at that clusterfuck known as Sega? Why has Sonic the Hedgehog suffered a string of failures only superceded by the Chicago fucking Cubs? I mean, this isn't some platforming hasbeen like Crash Bandicoot or that Bubsy the Cat thing, or whatever the hell it's name is.

This is Sonic the Hedgehog. He was a legend! He was the fastest thing ever! I mean, how can a guy fall so far? And it's not like the forumla is complex: Give Sonic a few generic levels to speed through, a Robotnik robot to fight at the end of said level, and you've got a hit.

It's not hard at all. But apparently, Sonic Team or whoever is fucking up is letting their five year olds work on the game while they go get wasted on whatever drug is available to them.

There has been so much crap coming out of Sonic Team that people have actually demanded that Sonic be taken to the back and headshot'd old Yeller style. But I think that Sonic deserves better then euthanization. Sonic deserves a revamp, an attempt to make him better.

Take him back to the basics, or if you have to keep the current cast of characters, get somebody that can write a decent storyline. As a matter of fact, Sonic Team, just outsource the game to somebody who knows what they're doing.

And not Bioware. They're a talented team, but Sonic doesn't need to be turned into a turn based RPG.

Somebody like....maybe Insomniac Games. I hate the fact that they abandoned Spyro the wayt the did, but Insomniac makes good platforming games, and I'm more then sure they can give Sonic the quality game he deserves.

But whatever. It's not like Sonic Team's ever gonna read this blog, or anyone that can make a difference for that matter, so let's pretend this post was about raising race horses instead.

Go SatanSlicer! Race into the wind and ne'er look back!

PS: I don't think that Sega's idea to add more characters to the storyline of Sonic was a bad idea persay, the problem is the characters are useless. If Sega can develop these new characters and make them a viable part of the story, then I daresay they might have something good going on.

SCHOOL

High Schools are filled with rude, ignorant pricks who delight in attacking and defaming their own peers to gain some sort of validation from other peers, even though this validation is meaningless as they will all end up on the side of a road with a "WILL WORK 4 FOOD" sign or in jail for some sort of criminal activity as they are all so fucking incompetent.

High Schools are all about having fun now, even when having fun now will ruin your life later. Why does a fifteen year old want to skip school to smoke weed? Why does that girl think that sleeping with the quarterback(who sucks, by the way) will make her profile in high school better, when all he's going to do is talk about her behind her back?

High Schools are the worst places to learn, because for every child that actually wants to listen, learn, and get ahead in life, there are 10 that want to sit in the back of the classroom and make a massive commotion because mommy doesn't give them enough attention.

I'm not saying I was a perfect student, but High School just was not a great institution of learning for me. It was a 4 year popularity contest based on the most superficial of qualifiers, and I'm happy that I don't have to deal with it any longer.

School's out, finally

As a response to this entire series of posts about school, I would like to add my thoughts on school and how it is out.

My school sucked. The people there were okay, but I didn't have any close friends. Well, I had one, but she recently revealed that she had secretly hated me all along and apparently only hung out with me to be needlessly cruel. She could have left at any time. I told her every day. But I digress.

School was hell because of my classes. I failed math. My parents are engineers and I failed math. I tried so hard and I studied so much and I failed. And eventually the report card will arrive and I will beg my parents to look at my outstanding performance in, what, gym? I'm not exactly known for my intelligence. And after yelling at me for several days, my parents will scoff and tell me that it was impossible for me to fail math because I am their child and must therefore possess crazy math skillz. I think I'm adopted, it would explain so much. I failed, and now I'll never go to West Point. Not that I wanted to. It was my parents' idea. Can you see me leading *anything* without something terrible happening? I thought not. But I digress again.

School was like being hit over the head repeatedly while the disembodied voice of your father tells you how much you suck. I'm glad I got out of school in time, another month and I might have gone insane.

We've got teeth, we'll bite right back

In response to my friend Salza's post, I decided to write down my opinion on the subject. Sure, nostalgia is a power feeling, but we shouldn't focus on it. Nothing can be gained by wishing you still had those years to go back to, or regretting your actions in school, or otherwise. Once you make a choice, it's done, the moment's gone, and you're going to have to live with that.

I liken nostalgia to a shirt you don't like, or one you don't fit into. When you first get it, you don't really like it, and you can't wear it anyway. But as the years go by, you suddenly find yourself having never worn the shirt, and now it's too small for you to fit into. When you try to put it on, you realize that you can't, and you feel sad, knowing that you never got a chance to wear the shirt, even though you hated it.

What I mean to get at is simple. Just let go of the past. Who cares if you didn't accomplish everything you wanted to? There's still tomorrow. Regretting your choices is a waste of time. The only time that you won't be able to change your life is when you're in the grave, so keep moving. It isn't over until the fat lady sings, etc. etc.

Continuing the topic of school... nostalgia bites back.

So below my post is HealMack's argument (or rant) on school which has its points. I mean honestly, how much knowledge in school do you retain or need to really use after you're done with graduating? 90% of math formulas are useless to most people who do not pursue a career such as engineering where the formulas actually come in handy. And do you need to put on your resume that you know all the events of WWII on a day-by-day playback?

But... I still think everyone should go to school. There's a an old saying that goes around:
"You don't really appreciate what you have until it's gone."

And I damn straight agree with that quote in every way possible. It applies in every single situation in every single event. Another saying goes that your high school years are the best years of your life. I'll tell you now that I enjoyed my high school years, and that I could honestly say that I lived those years out like every day was my last.

But it'd be an understatement to say that I miss school. I regret not taking the 110% jubilant feeling I got from hanging out with friends or playing sports or even the silly business that went around during class and I regret not making it 200%. Now I sit every day in the reality aftermath, where you can't walk down the hallways to a gathering of your friends making jokes and laughing, where you can't joke around in a classroom with your classmates, where you can't go after school and say to yourself, "Alright, another fun day of volleyball with my team today!"

Because when I look back, nostalgia really bites back.

- Class of '08

In thanks for the end of today

Thank god school's out.

I have more things to say about schools than just this. Most of those things are personal, the rest are just unimportant.

Salazar +1 Bombcat

*Places thumb under chin, looks up at non-existent clouds, lets out a long sigh as if deep in thought*

Yep... that's me in a nutshell. I'm Sal, the original founder of Studio Cold Star and the mastermind behind the plot which somehow congregated all these people together and led to the creation of this blog while my back was turned.

Damn you, you anarchists. Overthrowing my dic--... tatorship.
... +1 Wit

Anyways, I don't have much about me to share. I'm a writer much like our good friend Delgado... although I'm not nearly as good as him at expressing words in a cool way.

... but what I can offer is Bombcat.

But, that's all for now!

ZAAAAAAAAALGO!

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVER BLOW

Let's just just be honest with each other. Most mangas/animes are stupid. You get a fifteen year old, you give him a superpower, some superpowered friends(who are actually useless as they always get smashed and the main character has to save the day) a revolving door of villains to keep the story going(read: profits up), an emo rival, and hot damn, you got a story.

And unfortunately, the above description would actually fit most mangas/animes to the t.

We don't have to read such predictable drek, though. There are other mangas/animes that actually possess originality, that draw in readers with great illustration and rewards them with incredible character development and heartfelt emotion.

I'm speaking of the great boxing series. Hajime No Ippo.

Hajime No Ippo captures the very spirit of boxing. Both ends of the spectrum are displayed here, with boxers that range from genius technicians to ring weary journeymen with no hope of winning a title, to dirty fighters with no regard to the rules. The vast is colorful and varied, and each of them are so developed, that the story could easily follow them in their struggle to the top.
But the story revolves around one dude, Ippo Makunouchi.

Ippo starts the series off as a high schooler who's afraid of his own damn shadow. He's totally unknown in his school, and bullies kick his ass every day.

On on regularly scheduled asskicking, Ippo is saved by a boxer named Takamura(spoiler: best character in the whole damn series), who inadvertently introduces Ippo to boxing by being an otherworldly badass. and saves him from getting his ass kicked. Of course, when Ippo tells Takamura he wants to be a boxer, Takamura reminds him that he is a megawuss, and tells him to fuck off.

But Ippo is determined, and it's that determination that leads him through the feather weight class of Japan to become one of the most feared ko artists in his class.

It's really encouraging stuff. If Ippo could become a champion, hell, you can do anything.

If you're character in a manga. We all know you're limited to being a gas attendant in real life.

The sport of boxing is surprisingly well represented here, with the true pitfalls of being a pugilist detailed throughly. Of course, in ring action is stylishly over the top, but everything here is pretty much true to real life. Spoiler, the parts of the story where characters have to make weight are ridiculously intense.

I really don't want to reveal any more plot points, but Ippo's journey to the top is one that is drenched in sweat and blood.

And tears.

Stop picking your nose and go read the manga, and watch the anime(Volumes1-30, Volumes 36 and on, the missing volumes are covered in the OVAs which I haven't read but have heard nothing but good things about, rawr(which is about the same as the manga, don't worry)) and be amazed.

LIIIVER BLOOOW

Twilight is actually My Immortal

So, I first hear about this Teen Girl Sensation of a Novel, Twilight, about two years ago. As I recall, I was in middle school, and my idiot self back then was into fistfights, gatling guns, interesting diseases, antique swords, and (for some reason) Victor Hugo musical theater adaptations. So of course I didn't give a damn about this vampire novel that all the other chicks were talking about.

But I digress. Anyway, fast forward two years. After tripping over a sandbag and banging my head on a poorly-placed metal pole, I had another of my head-injury-induced revelations: People were still reading Twilight. I decided that maybe it was actually rather good, and I should try it. I go to the library, check out Twilight, and neglect my maths homework to better immerse myself in the plot.

As it turns out, there isn't a plot. Well, there probably is, but it's like continental drift. It's happening, sure, but too slow for a casual observer to perceive. Reading this book made me realize why I do not read books set in high schools. Your average high school is fucking boring and I've already nearly gone insane trying to cope with my own high school problems, danke.

Even I don't bitch as much as Bella does. She's impossible to please, evidently:
"Waaah, what if they don't liiike meee" *several guys start kissing up to her* "Waaah, they're liiiking meee"

And I totally knew Edgar Sullen was a vampire. I mean, the back cover of the book kinda spoiled it. So for the first, what, one-third of the book it's just me yelling "seriously c'mon man... i mean woman... c'mon bitch, figure out that he's a vampire already so we can move on." Only, I said this in my mind, but really loudly. So I was yelling. In my mind.

And then she eventually gets it and they have a shitload of tension and there are some other people but they aren't important. And there's a subplot where there's this other vampire who is after Bella for some reason and the Magical Vampire Family have to go bail her ass out after she does something stupid. I was actually looking forward to a Climatic Vampire Fight, but we don't even get to see that. Dammit. Whatever, the main plot was just the couple talking while slowly being Strangled by the Red String.

Anyway, it was... not good. But I must admit, I probably shouldn't criticize because I'm not even in the target audience. Okay, well, the target audience is teen girls and I am a teen girl. Never mind. I guess I'm still not in the target audience because presumably this is for hopeless romantics. Whatever, the entire genre was invented for Victorian-era fancy repressed women who knew about the smut cleverly disguised as vampire novels. And today we have repressed teen girls who are apparently into necrophilia. The Twilight couple don't even have sex until, I dunno, one of the way-too-many sequels. I just know from the Internet, I haven't actually bothered to read the rest of the books.

Also, vampires are like the Mary Sues of the zombie world.

TLDR; do not read Twilight. Unless you are a hopelessly romantic teen girl with a zombie fetish. Then I can't help you there.

Prototype is a very good game

It's the type of game that makes you question what you've been playing for the past 18 or so years, and why the hell did it take so long for someone to figure out that a playing a sociopathic shapeshifter named Alex Mercer who can run up skyscrapers and elbow drop tanks to oblivion is entertainment in it's purest form.

It's the stuff legends are made out of. A game that is completely carried by it's gameplay, because, let's be honest, the graphics aren't the prettiest and the storyline is "stfu so i can kick copters out the sky" quality. But if this game can't keep your face glued to the screen, you're probably a pussy.

Or Jack Thompson.

Ah, redundancy!

Moving on from the requisite Thompson bash, this game is fantastic, even with the flaws.

The graphics do seem somewhat dated for the 360(my system of choice because sony is a collective of greedy fucks), but you won't notice the graphical quibbles unless you stand still, and with Alex's locomotive powers, you probably won't be posting up on the corner much.

I'm gonna write up a review once I finish the game once or twice, but please, do yourself favor and buy this game.

Now shut up and clean my kitchen.

Hello!

A New Cast Member

Hey all. I'm just making a quick post to introduce a new cast member to our (frustratingly audience-less) freak show. Yes, this new member is Heal Mack. I'll let him speak for himself, but first I just wanted to touch upon a few things.

In addition to the comic I am going to be working on with Jax, there is another project that I'm currently working on. I won't disclose any information about it now, considering it's not that far into development and I am still unsure as to whether I will go anywhere with it, but if I do, you guys will hear of it.

Also, the game design blog I was planning to make with a friend is experiencing some difficulties. That is, we lack a name. So, if anyone wants to recommend a name we could go by, I'd take it into consideration. Names aren't necessarily my strong suit, and I won't attempt to go with a name that's mediocre.

Well there you go. Now I'll let Heal Mack speak for himself. Give him a warm welcome.

TES Ep. 1- Doctors

Hello, boys and girls. Welcome to the Educational Show.
Today we will be learning about doctors and their terrible secrets.

Doctors, as you may know, come in a wide variety of shapes, ranging from 'condescending old guy' to 'condescending tiny woman with massive hair' to 'condescending androgynous blob'. However, there is one thing that all doctors have in common, and that is their hair. Combovers, regardless of whether the doctor in question is balding, are an essential part of the medical uniform.

Do you know why this is so, boys and girls? What makes a normal person turn into an overworked physician with a lab coat and a combover? Of course, it is because a combover is actually a parasite that attaches to the heads of particularly egomaniacal interns.

It gives the host the ability to perform minor healing-type miracles simply by staring intently at patients over the rims of their glasses. However, this power comes at a price. With every person cured, the host must pay for the deed with their own health. Other side effects include accelerated aging and gradual loss of your soul. The average life expectancy is twenty years after a person becomes a doctor-- in the end, the host's increasing frail body burns itself out in a heroic sacrifice: it performs one last great work of healing and crumbles into dust. The combover brain parasite moves on to the next intern in line. This is how they get promoted.

There is a second type of doctor, the type that has gained the title through a PhD. This type is usually looked down upon by physicians as they are not Real Doctors. This type enjoys watching movies just so they can point out the flawed physics in the actiony sequences.

I went to My Doctor the other day. My mother was concerned because I was not nearly as big and/or strong as she had hoped, even though she married a tiny wimpy bishonen of a guy. With genes this crappy, it's no wonder I'm not taller (it was also her fault I am not strong, because she didn't let me lift weights). So, facepalming the entire way, I was dragged to My Doctor. She offered to give me injections of growth hormone. This made my mother quite happy. But then My Doctor said, 'olol just kidding, those cause leukemia.' My Doctor is kind of a jerk and now my mother is sad. Shame on you, My Doctor.

Hammer invasion

This has got to be one of the greatest things a group of humans have ever done, and proof that we are not just a bunch of giant viruses that destroy everything(take that Agent Smith!).

Behold....

A bunch of hammer time rejects raiding a fey tight pants hipster store and doing the routine to a corny ass song? Fuck yea!
This is the type of thing we all need to aspire to.
Tomorrow I'm going to congregate at the nearest Christian church to my house, wearing a red devil suit and a picture of a dead kitty on the chest part.
Start of a revolution, dears.

(Video first spotted at Kayne West's blog)

No shit boss

Hmm. I'm not sure if this is a cleverish joke or just stupid.

Probably a bit of both.

(procured from the missinfo blog)

Cool guys write

Writing is something I enjoy quite a bit, so much that I want to make a career out of it. Sometimes, it feels like I can only be sincere when I'm detailing a passage of time in a fictional world, pouring my soul onto the paper through my pen.

Ok, that was just sentimental bullshit.

But I really do love to write. I don't know why. Maybe because I can make up a load of nonsense about some space warrior hero studmuffin who saves the world with a lazor gun and a switchblade, AND he can breath in space without any type of space suit or mask or whatever. And people would actually like it and call me a genius or something and not look at me like I was some sort of freak. Which would be a stretch, considering that idea was asinine.

You may be asking, "hey weres your actual stuff that you wrote you probably suck"

To which I would say, "fuck you, i'll show you my stuff when im goddamn ready you rude prick"

I'm ready now.

Let's start of with my beloved fanfic, Requiem of Eternity.

ROE is set within the universe of Dofus, a MMO created by Ankama(and one you will be hearing about quite a bit). It's something I started about two years ago, out of sheer boredom. It basically details the end of the Dofus period and the events that lead into the 1000 year lapse between Dofus and Ankama's upcoming clusterfuck/MMO, Wakfu.

The actual events that create said end have changed since my first foray. Originally, the story starred Kyrote Boulgarro, an Iop(warrior class of Dofus/Wakfu) with severe mental problems. The actually plot line was kind of stupid, and I can barely remember the jist of it, but there were some baddies of some sort who were tear shit up, and Kyrote was gonna stop them with his pals.

It was pretty shallow. I got good reviews though.

Well, everyone got good reviews back then.

But yea, eventually I realized how incredible horrible it was and went back to the drawing board, for about a year or two, give or take a day. What I came up with was vastly improved to the old version, but also easier to follow, no where near as bombastic as the first version.

If I delved into the characters and plots at this moment and time, I'd probably ruin the whole plot. I know its only a shitty little fanfic, but it's something I put a lot of time and thought into.

I'll just post an excerpt of it here, just to give you an idea of what I'm working with here.

"He felt no remorse. Not because he was devoid of feeling or rationality, but because he was merely doing his job. Just as a taxman felt no remorse for taking a destitute mother's last penny, just as a judge felt no remorse for sending a man to to his death, Dance felt no remorse for slitting his target's throat. It was merely a job.
Dance didn't know the man, but even if he did, it wouldn't have made much difference. He had no room in his heart or mind for exceptions. Whoever he was hired to kill would die without fail.
He released the flailing Enutrof the the floor, his life force quickly seeping from him. He tried to rise to his knees, but Dance forced him back to the ground with his boot. He held him there and watched him squirm. It reminded him of a larvae. Constantly writhing. Totally pathetic. The Enutrof had finally stopped moving.
Dance sheathed his dagger. He snuck out the way he came, though the Enutrof's back window. It was pitch black outside, a little more then half past midnight. The street was devoid of life, save for a small piwi that was up way past its bedtime. He walked up the street quickly and quietly as a cool breeze slowly swept past him. As he made it to the corner, he heard a high pitched scream. The missus stumbling upon the remains of her lifeless husband. A widow was born that night. Dance tugged on his hood as the chill of the wind intensified."

If you want to read more, here's a link

The story will definitely have its share of twists and turns, and by the end, you'll probably be shocked.

Or pissed off. Either is fine.

Next thing I'm going to torture you with is this little script I wrote for this game that never panned out.

You see, there was this german dude named Allain that was on the Cold Star forum, and he was all "lets make a game" I was like "cool I'll write somethin" and thats how it all got started, literally.

The basic premise of the story was some convoluted shit Allain had come up with that I had to struggle to fit into a working storyline because it was so staid and rpgish, rpgish meaning totally predictable.

Here's what he gave me, in his own words(no bullshit)

"hero=cool guy-> causes death of some and is killed himself-> ressurected-> order says he is chosen one-> mission to kill the old gods-> world reborn-> joins adventurer guild in order to cross borders undercover-> meets 3 more ppl with similar background (guilt+redemption) -> parallel:adventurer guild searches artifact -> last god_> he is stopped by one of the old ones that explains that he was used by the order-> fight against order-> how?-> artifact is wepon (^^) which was used by the humans in order to end the war with the old ones-> several quests for the old ones ind order to restore artifact-> kill order -> end"

What.

No seriously, what? And it's not like he was retarded in english, he had a great grasp of the language, but.

Dammit.

But that's what I had to work with, and so I got started on the saga of Hezlem Monarch, a cool guy who was also a thief and an all around badass. Because, honestly, why wouldn't your main character be a badass?

The story revolves around Hezlem going from robbing caravans to totally murdering Gods by the end of the story.

Well, that's how it would been, had the game actually been finished. I wasn't even halfway done when Allain left the forums and nevar returned.

Which was pretty fucking rude. I mean, I toiled over this storyline for him, and he just leaves?

Whatever, the game would have prolly sucked anyway.

But enough tough talk, heres an except:

Calwort: See anything yet?
(Hezlem shakes his head.)
Hezlem: Quiet today. Not a single carriage or merchant to come through.
Forthworth: And this is supposed to be a busy road! Load of shit if you ask me.
Hezlem: No one did, so quit whining and wait.
(Kev pulls a small knife out of his pocket and pokes the ground with it.)
Kev: How do you think it’ll be before we got caught?
Hezlem: What!? Don’t say tripe like that!
Forthworth: Yea, you’ll jinx us!
(Kev shrugs his shoulders)
Kev: It’s a foregone conclusion. All criminals get caught eventually.
Hezlem: But we are not common crooks! We are proper thieves.
Calwort: Proper as a queen.
Forthworth: Damn right!
Hezlem: Will you stop yelling you miserable lout?
(Forthworth gives Hezlem the finger)
Hezlem: Oh, clever.
Forthworth: Fuck off…
Calwort: Shh, I think I hear something.
(A merchant carriage draws near, flanked by two swordsmen. Hezlem and his men get ready to strike. When the carriage comes near the bushes, they jump out and stop the carriage)
Hezlem: Alright sweeties, give up the valuables and nobody loses their head.
(The merchant jumps out the carriage, bewildered)
Merchant: Oh no, bandits!
Swordsman 1:We’ll handle this! Nothing more then common scum.
(battle begins. I’m assuming this will be the tutorial battle of sorts, should be easy. For reference, Hezlem is a standard swordfighter, one handed blade, Kev uses daggers, Calwort uses alchemy, and Forthworth is a brute who fights with an axe)
(Merchant is frightened)
Merchant: P-p-please don’t hurt me! Take it all! Take it!
Hezlem: That is the plan….load up gentlemen, we don’t have time for sight seeing.
(Calwort, Kev, and Forthworth began to pick all the items that are in the merchant carriage: A good sum of gold, starter cash, some low level weaponry maybe, and a few potions or whatever you use to restore health)
Forthworth: This carriage is pretty spare, dontcha think?
Calwort: Money is money, no matter how meager the amount. Innit that right Kev-O?
Kev: I guess.
Hezlem: Alright gentlemen, lets be on our way, lest the old man soils himself…
Calwort: And I suppose you’ll be carrying your massive ego and nothing else?
Hezlem: That’s the plan.
Calwort: Lazy tosser….

For, some reason, I imagined them all being British. Don't ask, the answer would probably be something strange and unpleasant.

If you want to see the other portions I posted, a link is here.

Gah, this is a titan of a post, so I'm going to end it with something I've recently gotten back into, which has been entitled Midnight Theory, a story that is essentially a thinly veiled copy of DotHack with stoners. Videyas games are REAL.

I'll just post the first part of the story.

"Aya, your life is pathetic."
"Really?"
"Yay, really. You skip school like, every fucking day. You smoke pot like it's a part of your religion. And worst of all, you've got no future. What the point?"
Aya took a pull from her joint before laughing in Jason's face. She smiled.
"You think you know everything. You're just an old dude with a crappy restaurant. And a horrible haircut.".
They were sitting in front of Jason's diner, an old, creaking burger joint that had been there since the 60s. It was 12 after 12 in the afternoon, and the overcast sky bore an omen of heavy rain. Aya took another pull.
"You gotta get your shit together," Jason continued, ignoring everything she said. "Stay in school, that's the only way you can get a decent job nowadays."
Aya laughed again.
"Come on! You sound like my principal, and he is such a tool!"
"Dammit, I'm serious here! You can't just waste your life on weed. You're smart. You know better."
Aya sucked her teeth before rising to her feet.
"You're all preachy today. Blowing my high and shit...wait. If you don't want me to smoke weed, why do you sell it to me?"
Jason shrugged.
"Business is slow."
"You dick," said Aya as she walked away.
"Remember what I told you!" called Jason.
"Whatever..."
Aya's life had no structure. She had no authority figures in her life. She did as she pleased, and in her mind, no one had the right to tell her otherwise.

That's literally all I got on that, and I'm not gonna bother explaining anything yet, because I have no idea where this story is going to end up.

I'm done for now, do good in school and don't be pussies.