TES Ep. 1- Doctors

Hello, boys and girls. Welcome to the Educational Show.
Today we will be learning about doctors and their terrible secrets.

Doctors, as you may know, come in a wide variety of shapes, ranging from 'condescending old guy' to 'condescending tiny woman with massive hair' to 'condescending androgynous blob'. However, there is one thing that all doctors have in common, and that is their hair. Combovers, regardless of whether the doctor in question is balding, are an essential part of the medical uniform.

Do you know why this is so, boys and girls? What makes a normal person turn into an overworked physician with a lab coat and a combover? Of course, it is because a combover is actually a parasite that attaches to the heads of particularly egomaniacal interns.

It gives the host the ability to perform minor healing-type miracles simply by staring intently at patients over the rims of their glasses. However, this power comes at a price. With every person cured, the host must pay for the deed with their own health. Other side effects include accelerated aging and gradual loss of your soul. The average life expectancy is twenty years after a person becomes a doctor-- in the end, the host's increasing frail body burns itself out in a heroic sacrifice: it performs one last great work of healing and crumbles into dust. The combover brain parasite moves on to the next intern in line. This is how they get promoted.

There is a second type of doctor, the type that has gained the title through a PhD. This type is usually looked down upon by physicians as they are not Real Doctors. This type enjoys watching movies just so they can point out the flawed physics in the actiony sequences.

I went to My Doctor the other day. My mother was concerned because I was not nearly as big and/or strong as she had hoped, even though she married a tiny wimpy bishonen of a guy. With genes this crappy, it's no wonder I'm not taller (it was also her fault I am not strong, because she didn't let me lift weights). So, facepalming the entire way, I was dragged to My Doctor. She offered to give me injections of growth hormone. This made my mother quite happy. But then My Doctor said, 'olol just kidding, those cause leukemia.' My Doctor is kind of a jerk and now my mother is sad. Shame on you, My Doctor.